Simplicity in Parenting
by Dr. Randy Cale
I just read a news release that someone is suggesting that “less is more” when it comes to parenting.
I couldn’t agree more. In most areas where children get more and more…less is needed.
Less TV
Less Video
Less nagging
Less protecting
Less catering to picky eating
Less negotiating
Less compromise on healthy values
Well, the list could go on. I don’t mean to rant and rave, but we all do get lost sometimes. Less is more…because it leaves more time for the healthy stuff…more time to love…more time to be creative…more time to learn from their mistakes.
It’s not that every child needs less of these things. But it is that most of the momentum of our culture has moved to over-protecting, over-indulging, over-stimulating, and over-feeding our children with anything they want.
It’s as if we can’t tolerate our kids being upset at us…for even a day or two. Instead, we compromise our values, and what we know to be right, to keep the peace and avoid an upset.
There is not integrity in that path, and more important perhaps, there is no long term peace in that path.
More on this as time goes on..
Tag:less is more over indulged over protected childrenPosted: January 14th, 2007 under In the News, Chores, Happiness, Healthy Habits, Daily Routines by Dr. Randy Cale.
Comments: 2
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Comments
Comment from Pamela
Time: February 12, 2007, 8:37 pm
Guilty! Oh yes, I have parented this way and It does not end up with everyone happy. In fact, for us, more everything is more work and less of the really good stuff. Specifically, in the past, over protecting my toddler turned out to be a two year battle with serious issues for him and my family. It would be refreshing to see more of this style of parenting.
Comment from Cindy
Time: February 17, 2007, 12:30 pm
This issue really hits home. In our situation, it’s compounded by the fact that the kids in question are my stepchildren. My husband and his ex-wife regularly overcompensate for the kids’ “trauma” (actual or just perceived) from their divorce by giving the kids just about anything they want. They RARELY hear the word “no” from the lips of either biological parent.
Now multiply this by two, because the kids live in two houses (custody is 50/50 joint legal and physical). Two houses filled with more toys and the latest gadgets than the kids can even use - or than they even KNOW they have. Each biological parent scrambles to be the first to sign the kids up for each and every activity available, sometimes at great expense.
The more that’s given to them, the less gratitude the kids show. Our son (age 11) especially has developed quite an attitude of entitlement. He assumes if the activity or item is there, it’s his for the taking - and we parents will bend over backwards to get it for him or make it happen. Neither our daughter (age 13) nor our son has any regular household chores, nor do they earn any of their own money by doing any work outside our house (babysitting, yard work, etc.)
In our house, all this unfolds against the backdrop of my husband’s excessive (and hypocritical) emphasis on money between the two of us. Argument after argument about who’s paying for what, “we can’t afford this or that” - yet he won’t even think twice about buying another high-priced gadget for the kids. The warped focus on “keeping the kids happy” - without an equal focus on the health our marriage - has put a real strain on the marriage from the beginning (we married in 2003).
My husband thinks if he doesn’t indulge the kids, they won’t want to be with him anymore in the 50/50 arrangement. I’ve tried to inject some balance and reason into this picture, tried to get both my husband and the kids to develop a perspective of gratitude and “less is more,” to no avail. I feel powerless on this and so many other issues in my own house, my own marriage and my own life.
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